Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Breathe {inspiration for wednesdays}

Today, I am tired.  Today, I am having a hard time "breathing".  Today, you might want to skip this post because it is not super uplifting...but it is where I am at.....

  Coming out of the whirlwind of this weekend I realized how many pockets of unresolved conflict I have encountered lately and how weary I am of it.  I have been wondering why it drains me so much and why I can't just bounce back from it.  I think today I realized an answer...

So I was finishing up my grocery shopping when I saw someone that I had a falling out with a year or so back.  This person said some very hurtful words to me, judged me, and then severed all conversation.  I had heard through some other mutual friends that, more recently, this person felt bad and had asked how I was.  Today when I saw them, he/she (to protect identities) smiled and waved, called me over toward them and asked how I was.
To be honest, I wasn't sure how to respond...I didn't have a context for this.  Words had been thrown out into a public space and never discussed again...no one had said "I'm sorry" or "Hey, can we talk about what happened?"  Instead all those open, frayed ends were just walked over and ignored.  And that puts me in a place to have to pretend something that I can't...or don't want to.


I imagine that sometimes unresolved conflict is like untied shoelaces.  A part of life has "come undone" and is just dangling out there.  Sure you can still walk and even run, but eventually you are probably going to trip over them and they will take you down.

Words left unspoken hurt just as much as the ones that were said.  Conversations left undone cause fragmentation and leave us living with pieces instead of wholeness. 

We would do well, when we look down and see those unraveling shoelaces of life, to stop dead in our tracks.  We would do well to have the courage to speak the words that we've long ignored.  We would do well, then take the time to carefully tie our shoelaces back up, no matter how long it takes.  (It would probably save us - and our friends - a lot of tears and skinned up knees.)

"Breath, smile, and go slowly."  - Thich Nhat Hahn

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